I sit here writing this at 12:48am because I can not sleep. I think it is because I am overwhelmed by the fact that you will be 2 tomorrow. Well, technically today.
How on Earth can my sweet baby girl be 2?
Two years ago right now, I was also unable to sleep, but it was because I didn't know what to expect. I was so excited, but also a bit nervous (mostly about pooping on the table...trust me, you will understand some day).
Two years later, I can truly say that I had every right to be nervous because I was right. Not about the pooping (that is still up for debate), but about not having any clue what to expect.
Myra and Mommy on Myra's Birth-Day (12-05-2011)
I could not possibly have known what a smart little girl you would turn out to be. Honestly, you have no idea if your child is smart until they get a bit older. In the past year though...wow, we found out how smart you really are and it is amazing. You pick up on this so quickly and you absorb and remember absolutely everything. You truly learn something new every single day. Sometimes you are too smart for you own good.
I could not have imagined how independent and sassy you would be. Sometimes I just have to laugh because you talk back to me and it totally catches me off guard. The first time that you told me, months ago, "Mommy, NOT nice," I nearly fell over with laughter. You were so serious about it. Don't worry though...I don't want you to grow up to be a bratty child, so once I get over the first time laughter, I get strict. I promise.
That is another thing. I had no idea how hard it is to be strict with you. I do it because I know it is the right thing, but sometimes I just want to give in. And sometimes I do. Not on the important stuff though. My job as your mother is to prepare you for the world and I want to do that the best way I know how and that is by giving you unconditional love, but also by creating boundaries.
I could not have known, 2 years ago tonight, how trying it is to be a mother. I could not have known that every single emotion I have ever felt: frustration, fear, sadness, happiness, anxiety, contentedness, would have been magnified a thousand times over. You truly have no idea the depth of your feelings, the good and the bad ones, until you become a mother.
You also cannot know the tiredness. Not just the physical tiredness, which is certainly worth noting, but also the emotional tiredness. Because, as your mother, I never, for one second of the day, stop thinking and worrying about you.
Myra's first Birthday Pictures
Two years ago, when I first laid eyes on you, I had no idea who you would become and the things you would like. And those things will continue to change, but right now you are a happy little girl who loves Sesame Street, hoarding stuffed animals, gymnastics, talking nonstop, milk, chocolate, reading books, swimming, counting, coloring, painting, and cornflakes. In no particular order.
I had no idea, exactly two years ago, that I would experience so much pleasure just from watching you enjoy those things. Like you, Mommy loves chocolate, but I hadn't experienced the true joy of chocolate until I saw it smeared all over your grinning face.
I couldn't have known that I would be such a perfect mixture of happy and sad to see you growing up so fast. I am happy and eternally grateful for the beautiful, smart, independent, sassy, chatty little girl that you have become, but I miss the days of you being the sweet baby who was content to sleep on my chest all day.
They say that you fall in love with your baby right away, and, while that is true, I find that my love for you has grown over time. Every single day, when you smile at me, or hug me, or ask for a kiss, or say something hilarious as you so often do, I fall in love with you a little bit more. And every time that it happens, I don't think it is possible for me to love you more, but, alas, I do.
Myra's Second Birthday Pictures
And, so, my sweet, sweet little Moose, I wish you a happy Birthday. I wish you all of the cake, cheese, and Elmo themed gifts in the world. Most of all though, I wish that you will be as happy and loved on your next 102 birthdays are you are on this one.
All my love,