Pregnancy Sucks

Being pregnant sucks.  That sentence will strike you one of two ways.  The first is that you will think, "what?  This woman is crazy and clearly does not love her child."  The second is that you will think, "hell yeah, it sucks and thank God someone said it!  I love my baby more than life itself, but the process of growing him/her sucks."

I was never prepared for a rough pregnancy.  When we first decided to get pregnant, I had this blissful image of pregnancy.  I would sit, in my glowing state, on our back deck, eating organic, locally sourced food (hipster alert), while gently caressing my basketball sized belly.  I had every intention of continuing to work out with my personal trainer so that I could quickly regain my pre-baby body after giving birth (funny, right?  More on that later).  I would giggle with delight every time my baby's teeny tiny feet gently kicked my growing, yet still adorable stomach.  It would be an experience that I would always cherish.

Ha.  Pretty much none of that delusion image came true.  Working out ended for me at about 9 weeks of pregnancy because my "morning" sickness was made worse by any sort of physical activity (read: waking up in the morning).  Despite the promises of doctors, mothers, friends, and family, and the internet, the sickness never went away.  The nausea and vomiting was replaced by debilitating migranes, which were eventually joined by carpal tunnel syndrome, fluid retention, heartburn, and blood pressure problems that required a brief hospitalization (on Thanksgiving).  To be fair, part of my image did come true: I did eat dinner and I did sit on our deck.  Amazing.

My pregnancy from hell would have been bad no matter what, but it was made worse by the fact that it completely blindsided me.  No one had told me that pregnancy could truly be the worst, most painful time of my life.  No one prepared me for the possibility that I could be sick every single day.  Every. Single. Freakin'. Day.  No one told me that pregnancy can be taxing on your relationship with your husband.  Yup, I said it.  It can be an incredibly trying time in a relationship, even after years of marriage.  Imagine that you work all day, come home from work and make a delicious and healthy dinner for your wife only to have her puke the second you bring it into the room.  Imagine that you try to be sweet and upbeat, but your wife is so sick that she just lays on the floor and cries.  For 9 months.  It is really stinkin' hard.  For EVERYONE involved.  But, guess what?  No one tells you that!

I distinctly remember going to my OB when I was around 12 weeks pregnant and breaking down, telling her, "I am going to be the worst mother ever.  I HATE being pregnant.  Everyone else loves it, but I hate every second."  She smiled and told me that most people hate it, but people are afraid to say it out loud.

Why?  Why are we afraid to speak the truth?  It is OKAY to hate pregnancy.  I love my daughter with all of my heart, but guess what, the process of growing her sucked.

So, this is to you.  You, the girl who spends all day with her head over the toilet.  You, who gained 100 pounds with your first child.  You, whose back hurts so bad that you can't sleep.  You, who can only walk barefoot because your feet are too fat to wear shoes.  It is okay to hate the process of growing your baby.  I did.  At the end of the day though, it will, hands down, be the best thing you ever do.

9 days before giving birth - my face is SO swollen!