It is common sense to worry about the big things. You put up baby gates because you worry that she will fall down the steps. You hold her hand because you worry that she will run off into the street and get hit by a car. You feed her good foods because you worry about her not growing up to be healthy. Parenting 101, right? What no one tells you though is that you worry about really stupid shit.
The birth of my sweet girl = the
death of my peace of mind.
I was sitting around watching Glee one night (don't knock it 'til you try it) and there was an episode about Prom. All of a sudden, I got this shock through my entire body and turned to Josh, in a total panic, and said, "what if no one asks Moose to prom?"
Poor Josh was so dumbfounded that he couldn't even formulate a response other than, "she is 4 months old." I was legitimately worried though. I still am. I couldn't even finish watching the episode because it was that second when I realized that the "big" worries are actually the least of my worries. Those gates and outlet plugs, the shopping cart covers and paci wipes; those things are nothing. Those are things that we do to convince ourselves that we have some sort of control, but they don't take care of the constant nagging worries in your head. That prom episode was the second when I realized that there were an entire world of worries that I had not yet thought of and that I could not control.
I am not exaggerating, people. I am not a mellow-dramatic person; in fact, I am pretty laid back, but ever since then, I have seriously been worrying that no one will ask her to prom and that she will be devastated. Can you imagine the heartbreak of your little girl wanting to go to prom and no one asking her? It seriously makes me tear up.
If you don't have kids yet, you probably think I am nuts and that is okay. I would have thought the same thing, but having kids makes something in you shift and you have no control anymore. The worry takes over.
I was talking to one of my Mom friends at the daycare when she called one day to check on her youngest girl and we started talking about how motherhood just means constant worrying. Her oldest daughter is getting ready to go to kindergarten and she was nervous because it is an entirely new world that she has no control over. Her little girl is beautiful, sweet, and funny, an overall great kid, but other kids can be mean. And you have no control.
Moose has years until she goes off to Kindergarten, but I am already worried about it. What if the other kids make fun of her? What if she has no friends? What if she doesn't have the right clothes or right hobbies (I used to teach Kindergarten; that sh*& already matters to those little boogers). I feel like I would die inside if one of those things happened. The thought of her fat, excited little face getting ready to go school and then having her entire day crushed by a mean little kid just kills me.
The worries then go to the next step. What would I do if someone was mean to Moose? My first response would be to go in there and let them have it, but unfortunately that is not an acceptable thing to do. I would obviously go to the parents, but usually with mean kids come meaner parents. What then?
Just writing this blog has raised my blood pressure. This isn't one of those things that you can make light of because it sucks. This little person just takes over your entire world and consumes it with worry. The parenting instinct in you just yearns to protect this little being, but every step that they take into the world, starting with their first one, leaves them, and you, that much more vulnerable.
Am I the only one? Does anyone else worry about all of these little things?