I am not one to brag about my child, but she is an advanced tantrum thrower. Most kids don't start throwing tantrums until they are toddlers, but mine started throwing tantrums at the ripe old age of 10 months old. In fact, she was throwing tantrums before she was able to walk or talk. No big deal.
Despite the fact that she does not get her way when she throws tantrums, she continues to try. Apparently she is holding out hope that one day I will change my mind.
Maybe your child won't be as advanced in this department as mine, but guess what? He/she WILL thrown a tantrum at some point. Most likely, the tantrum(s) will come in a public place where you have to grit your teeth and try to be appear nice while the other moms are looking at you with judgmental eyes (which is total bulls*^% because their kids do it too).
Why, you ask? Why do they throw tantrums? Well, the answer to that should be obvious. Toddlers are forced to endure a series of injustices, mostly at hands of their parents, on a daily basis. To help you better understand this, I have provided a list that, while not all-inclusive, will give you an idea of what drives these emotional little beings of ours.
I do ask though, please don't judge me, as many of the things listed below show what a cruel parent I really am. Here goes:
- I make her sit in her plush $350 jogging stroller, snacking on organic fruit pouches, enjoying the beautiful scenery on the local trail, while I push her in a desperate attempt to jog off the stomach weight that I gained carrying her. Cruel.
The calm before the storm. You can see
how hard her life is and why she would
feel compelled to fight back against this situation.
- There were no more crayons left in the crayon box. Damn you, Mommy, for only buying the 24 pack!
This demonstrates the "I am forcing
myself to cry" tantrum.
- I forced her to poop in her diaper and then had the audacity to try and change it. Selfish, I know, but I just love changing poopy diapers. It is pretty much the reason that I had kids.
- After playing outside for hours, Daddy made her come in to go to bed.
"You can cuff me, Officer, but I am
NOT getting out of this car."
- Mommy made Moose throw her pacifier on the floor while driving on the highway, so Moose no longer has a pacifier.
- All Moose asked for in life is for her teeth to rot, but Mommy and Daddy insist on brushing them every single night. Why should she have to suffer so that Mommy and Daddy can pursue their hobby of forcefully brushing the teeth of a toddler who bites their fingers?
- I insist on pushing Moose around in the shopping cart and handing her snacks to eat while I spend my hard earned money to buy things. For her.
She simply cannot take it anymore.
- I refused to let her run through the parking lot and get smushed by a car. Could Moose have chosen to hold hands and continue to walk? Sure. But is throwing a fit and having to be carried into the store more fun? Apparently.
- The Easter Bunny brought her presents.
Why did he choose to visit my house?!
- Mommy and Daddy took her to the pool for the sole purpose of tormenting her by not letting her walk off the edge into 8 feet of water. To add insult to injury, when it was time to go home, they made her take off her wet swimsuit.
And, my personal favorite:
- Mommy and Auntie C took Moose and A on vacation where they forced them to go to the beach and play with the endless sand toys and pool that they schlepped down with them. In the interest of full disclosure, snacks and sippy cups were also brought and offered to these poor, tortured girls. Let me ask you, who can blame them for having this visceral reaction?
So, there is is, folks. A few of the many injustices that My Moose endures on a daily basis that cause her to throw herself on the floor in a fit of rage. What terrible things do you do to your toddler to make them throw tantrums? Please share, especially if a hilarious picture (like the ones above) accompanies the story!
