Thursday, August 15, 2013

You are not special: Get in Line

This is going to be part 1 of a "you are not special" series.  Somehow our society has become such that everyone thinks they are special, and therefore deserve better treatment than the rest of us.  I am here to tell you that you are wrong.  You are not special.  And neither am I.  We all exist in a society based on equality.  

The best/worst example of this is entitlement is the inability for people to wait in line.  It seems like everywhere that I go, there is a line.  And where there is a line, there is a jacka$$ who thinks that he is too special to wait in line.  So, here goes.  You are not special: get the f*%$ in line.

This morning, we woke up at 6:30 to make sure that we could catch the 7:30 airport shuttle and arrive at the airport within the suggested 2 hour timeframe.  Because that is what responsible people do.  

As we were navigating our way through the clusterf*&% that is the San Francisco airport, some woman comes barreling in front of us and says to the airport attendant, "can I just get in front of the line because I have to catch my flight in 40 minutes."  Of course, the United representative said no, to which this imbecile replied, "well, what should I do?"  I had not yet had my coffee, so I chimed in to say, "you should wake up earlier next time so you can get to the airport in time."  What I wanted to say though is, "what the hell do you think you should do, you ignorant piece of bird poop?  Oh wait, you think you are so important that every single responsible person here should just let you in front of them.  NO."  Not getting the answer she wanted, this woman quietly took her chances and got in line with the rest of us.  

Oh wait, just kidding, that is not how the story ends.  She went to every other United representative and finally weaseled her way into the disability line.  I guess no one told her that being ignorant is not a disability.

You might think I am being harsh, but seriously?  Did she think that everyone else in line enjoyed getting up at the a$$ crack of dawn to get to the airport and stand in ridiculous lines for the privilege of paying your right arm to check luggage, throw away liquids, and be herded like cattle onto a delayed 5.5 hour flight.  No, we didn't enjoy it, but we did it.  Because we are NOT special.  No one is special.  Get the f*&% in line.

On our vacation, we rode our bikes from San Francisco to a little town called Tiburon.  From Tiburon, you catch a ferry back.  The ferry was scheduled to leave at 5:10 and the next one wasn't until 6:45.  We busted our butts, on a tandem bike, against gale force winds and ridiculous hills to get there in time for the 5:10 ferry only to be told that they were not sure there was room, but to stand in line and wait with fingers crossed.  Fine.  

A few minutes later, the ferry attendant came to tell us that there was room for a few more bikes.  Score!  As we unhooked our bikes, some woman comes charging around me to get on the ferry first.  Are you f'in serious?  I stepped out and told her firmly, "this is a line."  Her response, naturally was to ram into me with her bike.  Not being one to be discouraged by rude European tourists, I stuck my hand up to her face and again, informed her, "this is a line.  Wait your turn."  The kicker to this?  The urban hipster behind her pipes up and says, "well, the ferry attendant told her that bikes are allowed now."  

Again, is this for real?  What the hell?  Do you think that I am standing here with my bike, in a line, because I DON'T want to get on the ferry?  Do I somehow give off the impression that I am a person who wants to stand, holding her bike for the entire 2 hours that it will take for another ferry to arrive?  Or maybe you think that I do want to get on the ferry, but quite frankly, you just don't give a crap because you think that your time is more important than mine.  Guess what, you turd, you are not special.  Get the f*&% in line.

Biking on our first trip to San Francisco in 2009

I think that my favorite type of line-hopper is the calculating, tries-to-act-subtle, somewhat passive-aggressive one though.  While in line at Starbucks, this person slowly meanders up to the menu, squinting hard like they are really trying to focus.  Which, as a side note, is BS. You came up behind me, talking business on your smartphone, with your thick framed glasses, power suit, and $300 Prada laptop tote...don't tell me that you have no idea what skinny drink you order at Starbucks.  Anyhow, they stand there and slowly inch in front of you until the cashier says, "can I help you?" and then they all of a sudden turn around and say,  with the disbelief of someone who just spotted Christ himself, "oh! were you in line?"  

No.  I am not in line.  I had some spare time today and didn't want to sleep in, watch TV, exercise, go shopping, talk on the phone, walk the dog, or go swimming; I  just  wanted to stand here at Starbucks and watch them make coffee.  I mean, for God's sake, you can't be so totally lost in your own self-indulgence that you actually wonder if I am in line.  Or wait, maybe you can because you are an entitled little tool.  Bad news for you though, I am not your mother, and I don't think you are special.  Get the f*&% in line.

And so, I am begging you, all of you parents out there, PLEASE teach your kids about waiting in line.  Please teach them that they are special to you, but that is where it ends.  When you go out into the world, you are not special.  You are no more important than the person in front of you in line, whether that person is the CEO of Google or whether that person is homeless.  This society in which we all chose to live functions better with a little human decency and with the understanding that we are all equals.  

If you choose not to follow those rules though, I will teach my child to knock you out.  Kidding, but seriously, don't be that person.

Who is your favorite kind of line hopper?


  1. Love it! I can't believe the rudeness of some people. I have had people try to cut me in line before and once even had to tell the person working at the counter "EXCUSE ME I WAS NEXT!!!" When some sneak tried to get in front of me to order! Anyway, thanks for linking up with Comment Promise hop! :)

    1. I have also had to tell someone at the counter the same thing! Seriously, what is wrong with people?!

      Thanks for your comment! :)

  2. Some people are really rude. That also happened to me when I was waiting in line to ride the train. A man cut me in the line pretending he was looking for something. The lady next to me even told him to fall in line. He pretended not to hear that so I decided to call the attention of the station personnel.

    -dropping by from Comment Promise Hop!

    1. Good for you! I don't know what goes through people's minds. We are all in a hurry, but that doesn't give you the right to hop the line.

      Thanks so much for your comment! :)

  3. I like the premise here, though I'm in the camp that everybody is special. I probably use that word differently, though, as I mean more like unique ... not that there should be entitlement. I am with you there. Always gets irritated when everyone seems to think they are better than somebody else.

    And I hope you got on the ferry over that person who steamrolled the line?

    As for my favorite. I love the ones who hop around at stadiums, trying to find the fastest one. Or those in line at toll booths. Those cutters are great. Or ... my favorite.

    You're driving on the highway and there's construction. The signs show a merge. So people are getting over. How about those idiots who speed to the front to try and cut in? This happened not too long ago and there were at least 20 of us who got bumper-to-bumper to make sure this moron and his high-priced SUV couldn't edge in. The look on his face was priceless.

    1. Hi PJ,

      I think you are right when you talk about specials vs. unique. I agree that everyone is special, but I am referring to the fact that no one person is more important or special than their peers.

      And oh my gosh, I totally forgot to write about the highway merger line cutter! I HATE that. It actually happened to me today. It was a pizza delivery guy..shouldn't he know how to drive?!

      It is so awesome that you guys were all able to block that guy out. What frustrates me the most is that I never let those people in, but it seems like the person in front of me always does.

      Thanks so much for commenting! :)

  4. Hahaha ... This post is perfection ... whyyyy oh why do people find it so hard to wait in line?! Such is life, get over it and wait your turn. LOL! Stopping over from the Comment Promise hop :)

    1. Thanks for the comment! People never cease to amaze me with their ignorance. Do they think that everyone else loves waiting in line of that we have nothing else to do?!

      Becky :)

  5. Hahaha I love this because I am that person that says stuff out loud to people like you did at the airport. My mom is a teacher and says that so many of her issues with students and parents is that everyone thinks their child is the special one and deserves special treatment.

    1. Your mom is totally right! I am a daycare director, so I see the same thing. I have no idea how our society got to the point where everyone thinks they are better than their peers. It is disgusting.

      Also, I am glad that I am not the only one who says stuff out loud! It embarrasses my husband, but I don't care. It needs to be said!

      Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting! :)


Thanks so much for stopping by! I would love to hear from you, so please take a minute to leave me any comments, suggestions, funny stories, or advice about this journey called Mommyhood.

Becky :)