Flying is not what it used to be. When my Grandma was alive, she would always dress up to fly because when flying first became available, it was an experience. A good one. She never lost that image of flying, which is fortunate because the reality is much less rose colored. I actually have pre-9/11 memories of when flying was somewhat luxurious. I remember taking several cross country flights in college where they fed you breakfast. A good one. With fresh food. For free. Now, you practically have to beg them to get the .0015 oz bag of stale pretzels.
Overall, flying just sucks these days. It is expensive. There is no leg room. They don't feed you. You can't bring liquids over 3oz on board. You live in fear that you bag is going to be a 1/2 oz overweight, in which case, they will charge you $100 extra (no joke). The security lines are long and you practically have toy get naked to go through them (okay, I stand corrected, I guess it isn't all bad).
Luckily though, there is one thing that still redeems the airline experience and reminds me of the days of old: SkyMall Magazine.
For those of you who aren't familiar with SkyMall Magazine, I can only liken it to sunshine and children's laughter. If you don't like those things, good luck going through life without a soul. **Thank you Ashley (you know who you are) for introducing. me to that awesome phrase that I have now stolen. It is awesome and you are awesome.**
As a sit here, on this cross country flight that has no food service or Internet access, I have decided to share with you some of the joys of SkyMall.
SPOILER ALERT: If you are on my Christmas gift list, you may not want to read on,
as one all of these things may end up under your tree this year.
1. Litter Kwitter 3 Step Cat Toilet Training System: potty train your cat faster than most people can potty train their kids. In case you cannot visualize this innovative contraption, SkyMall kindly provides a picture of a cat sitting on the toilet (see below). I know it is easy for me to judge, as I, myself, don't' have any feline companions, but if you do have a furry little friend and do not have this toilet, you have no business owning a cat. It is like having a child without having a car seat. If there was a Social Services department for feline neglect and abuse, I would be calling right now.
2. Singing Toothbrush: singing toothbrushes make brushing fun! I know all of the parents out there are thinking, "wow! That is a great idea to get my kid to brush his teeth." Bad news though; this product is for adults. Actually, forget I said that, kids usually get all of the fun. I refuse to feel guilty about the fact that this singing toothbrush is for adults only. A side bonus to this: one of the models sings only Justin Bieber songs, so it is the perfect go-to gift for the Bieber fan who has it all. Double bonus: you can save $2.00 if you buy 2. Stocking stuffers, yeah?
3. "The Peeing Boy of Brussels" Statue and Fountain. The title pretty much says it all. It is a replica of a Brussels statue that features a toddler peeing. For an extra $100, you can get a recirculating pump so that he is actually peeing and not just holding himself like he is. If you get a good plumber, I would bet that you can actually hook the pump up to the sewer so that he really is peeing. Let me just be clear in case NSA is tracking this blog and thinks that this item is a bit suspect: I do not own this fine piece of decor. Yet.
Much to my dismay, I couldn't get the picture of this one. If you are interested in purchasing this fine item though (and, let's be honest here, you are), you can view it here: This statue is peeing.
4. Food Pillows. For those of
you us who get stressed at the idea that bedtime means a whole 8 hours without eating, fear no more! Food pillows are here. When you wake up at 3:00am with a hankerin' for an ice cream sandwich, or better yet, a piece of sushi, you can just stick your tongue out and lick your pillow. Or, if your spouse is "in the mood" and you just aren't feeling it, you can throw him a pillow and be like "here, hon, eat a cupcake instead." Freakin' brilliant.
Now that I have pretty much done your holiday shopping for you (you're welcome), please do me a favor and send me me the pictures of the excited looks on the faces of your friends and families (and cats) when they see these amazing gifts.