Friday, October 11, 2013

The 1st Ultrasound.

Josh and I were in Orlando when I found out that I was pregnant.  I was tagging along with him on a business trip (because why wouldn't I take a free trip to Orlando?!), so we were together in a hotel room when we found out.  We had been trying, so we were super excited and I called my doctor immediately to set up the first appointment.

Fast forward 3 weeks to Josh and I walking through into the doctor's office for the 1st ultrasound.  It was like an ad from a magazine: the two of us, hand in hand, me glowing with the miracle of life, staring into each other's eyes, wordlessly sharing future dreams for our little baby.  We were giggling like schoolgirls, envisioning my not-yet-showing tummy glistening with the ultrasound gel that would provide us the first glimpse of our baby-to-be.  It was magical.

Okay, okay, I call bullshit on myself.  Aaaand I just barfed in my mouth a little with the image.  It was actually nothing like that.  I am pretty sure that neither of us spoke a word because it was too early in the morning and I wasn't drinking coffee at that point, but, nonetheless, we were SUPER excited (and I was still kind of cute).

About two weeks after the first ultrasound.

So, they called my name and we started to walk back with the ultrasound tech when the bomb was dropped: "So, did they tell you that this is a transvaginal ultrasound?"

Me: "Excuse me?"

Tech: "Did the receptionist who scheduled this tell you that this ultrasound is transvaginal?"

Me: "Ummm.  No."

Tech: "Ugh.  Even though I tell them to, they never tell people on the phone.  Do you know what a transvaginal ultrasound is?"

Me: "No, but I am pretty sure that I can figure it out." And, to myself, please stop saying the word transvaginal.

So, in to the room we went where I stripped down and was penetrated.  Kidding.

Oh wait.  No, I'm not.

It's not quite as vulgar as I just made it sound, and maybe it would have been better had I have been prepared, but I wasn't, so it was quite a shock.

Instead of the beautiful image of the gel on my belly and Josh holding my hand, it was Josh looking like he wanted the floor to open up while the ultrasound tech put a condom on the transvaginal ultrasound dildo.  Yes, they use a condom.  My doctor's office doesn't just preach safe sex; they practice it.

Maybe this is something that most people know about and I was just totally naive, but I felt compelled to write this post so that all women will be prepared.  Well, as much as you can be prepared to lay spread eagle on a table while a woman sticks a dildo up your who-ha and points out your ovaries while your husband sits uncomfortably next to you, silently coming up with excuses of why he will have to miss your next two ultrasounds.

In fact, I would almost go as far as to say that it was my most awkward ultrasound moment, but then I remembered that at the 18 week ultrasound, Josh asked the technician if you could tell the race of the child on the ultrasound because we were unsure.

 Kidding.

Oh wait.  No, I'm not.


24 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh! This is the funniest post I've read today! Those (won't say the word) ultrasounds are awful.....I always left feeling violated. Your poor husband! Thank you so much for sharing this today. A good laugh does me good!

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  2. that last part is hilarious. I've had that sort of ultrasound a few times. not so fun!

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  3. Oh my god, you poor thing! I feel terribly guilty right now, because I'm laughing hysterically. I have never ever heard of something like that before and am currently incredibly grateful for being lathered in cold slimy gel that stained my shirt for my pregnancy. You're brave, I would have walked right back out of that office!

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  4. LOL sorry to laugh at your misery, but lolololololol


    Okay...I'm done really. hahahahaha Now I'm done.

    I've had this done too, so ridiculously not fun. But the Ultrasound itself is awesome to see. :)

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  5. Oh man. I had one of those sprung on me once too. It's like masterbating in the same room as someone else, but WAY more awkward. Also, I LOVE that your husband asked if you could tell the race. That is hilarious. I'm all about inappropriate humour to break the ice.

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  6. My sister refers to it as the "dildo-cam." Always a good time. Ugh.

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  7. Lol! I love that. I might steal that term from her. Perfect description. :)


    Thanks for reading and commenting!

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  8. Hilarious and true! Definitely more awkward, but along the same lines. Haha!


    I am also all about inappropriate humor. One of Josh's favorite expressions is: "if it isn't inappropriate, it isn't funny!"

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  9. Lol! It's okay. We have all been there, so you can laugh. I guess I have to laugh too. Now that I am prepared, hopefully it won't be too bad if it happens again!


    And, I agree, that ultrasound itself is awesome. Makes it worth it!

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  10. Not at all, especially when you aren't expecting it! I much prefer the jelly on the belly!


    :)

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  11. Haha! Don't feel guilty! Generally speaking, the most awkward things in life are the funniest. Plus, it made you feel better about your stained shirt. A win-win! ;)


    I just wish that I would have been better prepared! At least I am now though.


    Thanks for reading and commenting! :)

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  12. Awww...thank you so much for the sweet comment! Gotta laugh at these things in life! :)

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  13. That's so weird they used a condom! During my transvaginal ultrasounds they had the wand covered, but with plastic...not a condom. That would have made me feel so strange.

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  14. omg I'm dying with laughter! this is hilarious! Ill be sure to write all this down!

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  15. Oh no! I HATE transvaginal ultrasounds-they are the worst! I never had one when I was pregnant though.


    I'm stopping by from the Mommy Monday hop. Thanks for linking up:)

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  16. I guess every office is different! They were probably condoms make specifically for the machine so that they stay on. Either way, the entire thing is SO awkward!

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  17. Lol! Thank so much and definitely do take notes. You will have a much easier time if you go in prepared. I wish I would have!


    Thanks for reading and commenting! :)

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  18. They totally are the worst! I had 3 during my pregnancy and was SO glad when they moved on to the jelly on the belly!


    Thanks for commenting and for hosting the linkup! :)

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  19. OMG!! Full-on belly laughs with this post!


    I found you through the Mommy Monday Blog Hop and I'll be sticking around!

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  20. LOL! Thankfully my doctor DID warn me of this before my first ultrasound, and none of the ones after were like that! I had also already had one done before when they suspected I had some cysts on my ovaries so I knew what to expect! Thanks for linking up with Time for Mom!!!

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  21. Hey girl! Thanks for linking this up to Mommy Moments last week. You were the most viewed link once again and will be featured in tomorrow's link up:) Congrats!

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  22. I seriously laughed out loud when I read your comment. So true! :)


    It was funny because I read your comment one night right before bed and when I woke up the next day to reply, it was gone. So, all day I was thinking, "did I seriously have a dream about a comment regarding a vibrating dildo?! Kind of weird." I then realized, a few days later, that I had to approve it on Disqus first, which is why it was no longer visible. I was so relieved that it was real! :)

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  23. I am sure that being prepared helped immensely! I felt bad for the ultrasound tech because she said that she had told the receptionists time and time again to warn people, but they never did, so she always had to do it!


    Thanks for reading and commenting. :)

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  24. Hey Faith! Thank you so much for letting me know and for the shout out on your blog. You are the best! :)

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Thanks so much for stopping by! I would love to hear from you, so please take a minute to leave me any comments, suggestions, funny stories, or advice about this journey called Mommyhood.

Becky :)