Jogging with a toddler...

...is not for the weak of heart.

Seriously.

The preparation time alone could scare one away.  Today, I went for a run slow jog (this girl is out of shape).  Running is touted as one of the best exercises you can do because of the minimal equipment and time it requires.  Ha!  Whoever said that clearly does not have children.

Here is what a jog with a toddler looks like:

First, you need a jogging stroller.  Once you get over gagging at how much you paid for it, you have to make sure it is in the car.  Odds are, you will strain your back lifting it into the back of your SUV.  #firstworldproblems

Then, you have to get your little one and yourself dressed for a run.  Probably the easiest part.

Next, you make sure that you have your phone and headphones.  Check.

Then you need water bottles.  Yes, I said water bottleS.  Didn't you know that sitting on your butt getting pushed in a stroller is a thirst inducing activity?  Well, it is.  And consider yourself warned that a regular sippy will not do.  Once your toddler sees that you have a fun squirty bottle, she will want one too.  

Not only does being pushed in a stroller make you thirsty, it also makes you hungry, so you have to have to bring at least two packets of food (those squirty things of fruits and veggies).  God Forbid you try and bring a different snack.  Even if it is a favorite food, it won't be satisfactory for a run.  I mean, c'mon, mom, have you ever seen a marathoner eat crackers?!

Once the eating and drinking grow old, a temper tantrum will ensue, so you better pack a toy.  

At this point, you realize that you need to pack a suitcase for all of the extra stuff that you have.  

Kidding, but what you will realize is that your toddler pooped in her pants, so it is back to the diaper changer.  Once your toddler realizes that you are going upstairs, instead of outside, she will throw a fit to put all other fits to shame.  "OUTSIDE!! AHHHH!!"  

At this point, you will reason with them.  LOL!  Kidding again.  You can't reason with a toddler, you fool.  

Finally, 30 minutes from when you began, you are reading to go for your run.  

While running, plan on stopping at least every 5 minutes.  The water bottle, toy, paci, and two packets of food can't serve themselves now, can they?  

If you are really lucky, like I am, you will have also brought your dog (add 10 minutes onto your getting out of the house time) and you will be pushing a stroller that looks like this.

No freakin' joke.  I wish I was kidding, but this is seriously what happened to me on one several of my running adventures.  Another warning: once this happens to you, people will stop to take pictures of you on the trail.  Again, no joke.

The good news: after you complete your run, you will be proud that you did it and extra proud of all of the calories burned running while pushing a dog, a baby, and 10 pounds of gear.  

The bad news: the stress of this above described events will have driven you to drinking, which will add back on those calories.  Ah well! :)