Friday, November 1, 2013

The Idiot Parents at Gymnastics

Oh my goodness.  I enrolled Moose in gymnastics a few weeks ago, and, while it is absolutely adorable, it is one of the most painful 50 minutes of my week.

You would think the worst part would be the parent participation.  I mean, I can't touch my toes, so that is kind of embarrassing, and I live in constant fear that the stretching will cause me to split my pants, BUT none of that is as bad as the other parents who are there.

OH. MY. LORD.  They are awful.  It is like a pissing match of who can be the most enthusiastic while their kid is running wild.

On the first day of gymnastics, there was a little girl who had just turned two.  Her mom struck up conversation with me and seemed nice.  But then this comment came and I knew we would never be friends, "well, Catalina doesn't really do the stretching part because she would rather jump on the trampoline.  I know she shouldn't do that, but really, what can I do?  She understands what I am telling her, but she just won't listen, so I can't do anything."

Yes, I shit you not.  She said that with a straight face, while all of the other little gymnasts were sitting or standing on their squares and the coach was running after Catalina, who was enjoying doing whatever the hell she wanted to do.

I wanted to look at her and say, "Well, I would rather be on a beach chair in St. Thomas sipping a cold drink, but my fat ass is here in yoga pants trying to touch the sky with wiggling fingers.  Life's a bitch." I didn't though.  I just stared at her in disbelief and then went back to unsuccessfully trying to touch my toes.

I get it.  I really do.  You don't want your child to embarrass you by throwing a fit.  But is giving them a free pass to not follow directions really the answer?  What does that teach your kid?  Not to mention the fact that it makes it hard for the rest of the kids and parents who are following directions, but want to be with the other kid who is doing the fun stuff.  I would SO much rather see your child throw a fit than watch them do whatever they want while you sit by looking at your fingernails.

I wasn't too disheartened with humanity at that point though because I figured she was just an idiotic exception to normal parenting.  Oh man, was I wrong!

Let me just interject here that there are a few kids who come from the, let's say "Earthier" side of town. Those are the kids with the names that sound like something that came out of the rear end of a farm animal. Poor, poor children.

At the first activity station, they had a slide.  Lark-butt (or some other similar sounding and equally as stupid Earthy-sounding name) was in line in front of us.  Because she is a kid, and this is what kids do, she got to the top of the slide and decided to stop and just sit there.  By this time, there was a line forming behind her.  Her mother was standing right there, but instead of asking her child to shit or get off the pot slide or move, she decided to stand there with her thumb up her ass, staring.  Finally, literally after 2 entire minutes (which is a long time for kids to wait), I calmly said, "Grass clippings Sweetie, there are other kids waiting, so can I please help you slide?"

Thankfully, that woke up her mother, who then gave her kid a dissertation about why she needed to hurry up on the slide.  COME THE F*&% ON.  Kids are kids and will do things like hold up a line.  That is why they have parents.  So that we can teach them the social skills that they will need in life.  How will little Cow Manure learn common courtesy if you don't teach her at a young age?!

Myra at a different tumbling class (one with less idiotic parents).

The madness continued today, when, during our warm-up stretching, the kids were instructed to touch their toes.  I was looking down, trying to help my Moose, when I heard this gasp that can only be described as the reaction to someone witnessing the second coming of Christ or John Lennon.  I looked up, startled, to see one of the mothers clasp her hands together in front of her, then quickly move them in front of her mouth, in total disbelief, and exclaim/shriek, to the entire group of kids and parents "oh my goodness, look at her, isn't Wanda sooo smart?!"

No freakin' joke.

I then proceeded to get up from the star that I was sitting on and kick her in the gut.  Hard.

Okay, that actually didn't happen, but I wish that it did.  I mean, who the hell acts like that over a kid touching her toes?  She didn't cure cancer.  She touched her freakin' toes.  OH MY GOD.

THEN, we were in the stupid circle of stars and Rachel, who is almost 3, decided that she didn't want to do the stretching.  Instead, she wanted to go steal the stars from the other kids.  What does her asshat of a mother do?  Oh yeah, nothing.  She just let her steal the stuff from all of the other kids.  Why the hell not?  We are raising a generation of kids who can do no wrong.  If you want to steal the stars instead of stretching, Rachel darling, that is fine.  Everything you do is wonderful.  Your shit doesn't stink.

My blood pressure rises just talking about this stupidity.  I finally went over to Rachel and asked very nicely, "Can we please have our star back?  Myra is trying to do the stretching with Leslie (the teacher)."

Here is the kicker.  Are you ready for it?  Rachel's moronic mother looked at Rachel and said, "Rachel, would you like to give Myra's star back to her?"

Are you freakin' kidding me?  Who gives a shit if Rachel wants to give the star back?  She has to give it back.  You can't just take things from people and not give them back.  It is not a choice.  Grrr.  I finally just took back the stupid star because I knew that if I stood there any longer, I would stab Rachel's mommy with it.

Sigh.  If you can believe it, I have even MORE stories, but I am going to stop there.  I am now going to take a deep breath, try (unsuccessfully) to convince myself that not all of humanity is going down the toilet, and start to just focus on the positive.  Myra doing gymnastics is adorable.  Like ridiculously cute.  Her favorite things are the trampoline, the foam pit, and the water fountain.  :)

That being said, cuteness only goes so far.  If this shit keeps up, I am going to put her in karate so that she can chop kick these idiot parents.


  1. Hahaha .. once again you provided me with epic proportions of laughter. It reminds me of the first day I took Rey to gymnastics. Oh man we are SO alike. Externally I was smiling like a damn fool. Internally I was plotting the deaths of all of the parents.

    Karate is definitely a much better idea!

    (¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo

  2. My kindergartner just finished up his second season. The coach has two kids, one on the team, the other younger. The little one runs on the field while games are going. Dad (aka Coach) carried the little one to the mom during the MIDDLE OF A GAME and mom said, "What do you want me to do with him?!?" And she was serious.
    *sigh* One story of many.
    I think we're enrolling in karate next season too. :)

    Thank you for co-hosting Super Sunday Sync this weekend!

  3. Oh how I hate parents like that. They are the ones who call me when their kid is 15 and say "I've given them EVERYTHING but they just won't listen!" Idiots.

  4. I was cracking up at cow-manure as a name...I'm curious what her real name is! and I sadly can imagine one of my friends asking her kid "would you like to give the star back." so annoying!

  5. Oh man. We had one parent like that in dance class who told me the reason that her son pushed Violet down was because he was still exclusively breast feeding and has no boundaries. Um ok. Your kid is a little shit because you let him be lady. Thankfully they seem to have left class. Yay! V's dance class is independent or it's supposed to be so us moms usually let the teacher try to correct what the kids are doing and if that doesn't work we step in. V was the star thief last week. Luckily she listens to her teacher better than she listens to me. lol

    Oh and I took V to gymnastics last spring and was completely mortified when I had to roll around in the floor and jump in the trampoline. Ick.

  6. No way! I cannot believe some moron actually said that to you after her bratty son pushed V! I would have been furious. I may actually have punched her. Unbelievable.

    Myra is also much better for her teachers than she is for me, but unfortunately both of her classes are parent participation. Even though she fights me sometimes, I still make her listen though. I just don't get some of these parents. Ugh.

  7. Beyond annoying! What is wrong with people? One of the little girl's is named Lotus and I truly cannot remember the name of the other girl. It is such a bizarre name that it doesn't even stick out in my mind as a name!

  8. Total morons. It must be hard for you not to say, "are you kidding me?! Are you really that stupid?!"

  9. Oh my goodness..that is insane!! Seriously, what is wrong with people? These kids are in kindergarten. Kindergarten. It is supposed to be fun.

    At the very least though, I am glad that I am not the only one who encounters these moronic people.

  10. Lol! You crack me up and that is exactly how I feel, especially the smiling like a damn fool part! :)

    Sadly, she likes gymnastics, so I am going to have to stick it out for at least another year until she moves into a non-parent participation class. Odd are that I will knock someone out before that though.

  11. Let me be the bearer of bad news. This shit will continue for years. I'm actually writing a post pretty much like this one about why I skip PTA meetings. Because it goes on forever. And ever. Some moms suck and if they suck, it's likely their kids will too. You are a total laugh riot! Love the post!

  12. Oh no. :( I can't believe I am going to have to deal with this for the indefinite future. I can't wait to read your post about PTA. I am sure that it is just as bad or worse than gymnastics!

    And thank for the sweet words!
    Becky :)

  13. Ha ha! This post made me laugh!

  14. Thank you so much!! I had to try and find the humor in it or I would have really lost it!

    Becky :)


Thanks so much for stopping by! I would love to hear from you, so please take a minute to leave me any comments, suggestions, funny stories, or advice about this journey called Mommyhood.

Becky :)