Monday, September 16, 2013

You will pee on yourself.

3 months after my Moose was born, I waddled my fat ass back into the gym.  Not just any gym, but an intense, yet super effective Crossfit "box."  It was a bold move on my part. 

On one of my first days there, one of the activities was jump roping.  Going into it, my biggest fear was that my jumping would register on the Richter scale, but as I began to jump, I realized that causing an earthquake was the least of my worries.

Why you ask?  Well, it is because as I started to jump, I realized, "holy shit.  I am going to pee in my pants."  No, I am serious.  I started to pee.  In my shorts.  In the middle of the gym.  I was in total shock because, at the ripe old age of 30, I had no prior experience with incontinence.  And to make matters worse, the coach that day was a guy.  A guy who co-owns the gym.

I had no idea what to do, so I just went up to him and said that jump roping hurt my foot too much (I have a foot injury) and asked if I could do something else.  Thank God he is a super nice guy and he obliged with no questions asked.  (Looking back, he totally knew what was going on, but was too nice, and/or creeped out, to say anything).

After class, I went up to co-owner (coach's wife) and was like, "look, this is so embarrassing, but I feel like I have to tell you because I don't want you to think I am lazy, but I had to quit jump roping because..."  She literally cut me off and was like, "oh yeah, I know.  You were going to pee on yourself.  I totally get it."

In that moment, I felt a rush of emotions.  Shock: how the hell did she know?  Fear: did she know because my pants are soaked and I smell like a homeless person?  Shame: everyone is talking about me.  

Thankfully she went on and said, "oh yeah.  It is normal.  Look around.  Before every jumping activity there is a line of moms outside of the bathroom."  Then the happiness hit: I am not alone.

As a side note, she then went on to tell me one of the funniest stories I have ever heard about hitting a PR / peeing.  Sadly though, I don't want to tell it on here because I try not to make a habit of embarrassing other people.  Only myself.

So, off to work I went after Crossfit, feeling somewhat comforted, but still a little freaked out that I now had to worry about peeing on myself on a daily basis (just when I had gotten through this other fear: pooping during birth).  Because, really, let's face it, peeing on yourself is a slippery slope.  It can only be followed up by the cessation of bathing and teeth brushing.

As I entered work, my face beet read from the workout and my clothes stuck to my fat rolls from sweat,   I ran into one of my friends, who was like, "um, you look like you are going to die."  I proceeded to tell her what had happened to me.  Her response, "uh yeah.  Haven't you ever noticed that I cross my legs every time that I sneeze?"

WTF?!  No, I hadn't noticed.  You know why?  Because you are a clean and lucid person, so it never occurred to me that while I was talking to you, you were peeing.  On yourself.

So, yeah, people, there you have it.  Having babies often, although not always (there are some lucky bastards out there), ruins your bladder.  Having babies can make you a sexy and vibrant, yet incontinent, young lady.

Just three girls walking along, 
peeing on themselves.

Can you get it back, you ask?  People say to do kegals.  I call bullshit.  First of all, who can remember to do those everyday?  Seriously.  You can't do them in public because the look of concentration would make people think that you are actually trying to not poop on yourself (way worse than peeing).

The advice that I most often read is to do them in the car.  That advice was clearly written by a man.  Between handing my toddler her sippy, her snacks, and her paci and trying to change the song (MORE ELMO LALA), I can barely look at the road, let alone remember to squeeze my vaginal walls together.

So, my friends, the answer is no.  You cannot get it back.  Much like perky boobs and a tight, scar-free tummy, bladder control got pooped out on the day that you delivered your sweet bundle of joy.  Just another price that we women pay.

My best advice to you is this:
1. Talk about it!  Ever since it happened to me, I talk about it with everyone.  I was at a girl's night this week and it came up in the natural progression of the conversation.  The more you discuss it, the less alone you will feel.  Unless you discuss it with men or young, childless women.  Then you will just look like a freak.

2. Try to avoid getting sinus infections, jumping rope, and dancing.  Unless you are wearing a diaper.  In that case, go for it, sexy Mama.

3. Accept it.  People will still like you.  Parking garages smell like urine and I still use them.  I bet you do too.  The same applies to people.  Even if you have the slight smell of urine, people, especially other moms, will still be your friend.  I promise.

And finally...4. Own it.  In the words of one of the people mentioned in this blog, "yeah, I pissed on myself.  So what."  That attitude, my friends, takes balls.  Love it.


66 comments:

  1. I suppose I should be glad I had a c-section. You're one brave lady, thanks for that.

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    1. Thank you! That is one reason to be very glad about a C-section, but I am sure that having a C-section brings a whole other set of problems that I don't even know about.

      I think that no matter how your baby gets out, C-section or vaginally, it is a tough process. We moms are pretty amazing!

      Thanks for commenting!
      Becky :)

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  2. You are hilarious! I love your posts!! Thanks for the laughs...I can't remember if I'm following you already, but I'm heading to Bloglovin right now to make sure I never miss another one of these gems. Thanks lady! :)

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    1. Thank you so much!! I am so glad that you enjoyed it.

      Your kind comments really mean so much to me. It is definitely what keeps me going!

      Becky :)

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  3. I haven't ever had kids and it happens to me. If anyone ever notices a look of panic on my face when I was laughing too hard it's bc I peed a little. Not cool, Mother Nature. Not cool.

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    1. I laughed out loud at your comment. I totally agree...what is wrong with Mother Nature?! It is probably something that happens to all women as they age. Childbirth just sped it up for me.

      Thanks so much for reading and commenting! :)

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  4. Okay, I am going to get personal here (because this is how much I can relate). NO SHAME IN MY GAME!

    One day after getting out of the tub and standing in front of the mirror with a towel on just doing my makeup, I peed on myself (yep, right down my leg). I was mortified. Not really shocked though since my control had changed drastically after having my little one. Since, though, I've been a little worried it would happen in public so I feel for you. After talking to a bunch of my friends (who are moms also), they could all relate as well so that made me feel better. Kegals are always good to do; I do them a lot (even did them before I was pregnant). They definitely will give you more control.

    Thank you so much for linking up to The PINcentive Blog Hop! Hope you're having a great Tuesday :o)

    croppedstories@gmail.com

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    1. Lol! Thank you so much for sharing your story! Hearing it makes me feel so much better because I know that I am not the only one! Even though I know to expect it now, it still catches me by surprise when it happens. I need to make an effort to work on my kegals more. Maybe I will set an alarm to remember or something.

      Thank you so much for reading and commenting and for hosting the PINcentive Blog Hop!
      Becky :)

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  5. Almost peed at my computer from laughing...this is awesome, thanks for sharing :)

    Stopping by from the Pintastic hop :) Dawn from http://www.ithinkwecouldbefriends.com/

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    1. Thank you so much, Dawn! I really appreciate it! :)

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  6. Haha I totally laughed out loud reading this. Because it's SO TRUE! I never had the problem after having my first child, but after having my second, I can't control my bladder after sneezing or laughing, let alone jumping! I was so surprised. But it is kinda funny :) Thanks for linking up to It's Okay this week! Looking forward to reading more of your blog and following now, too :)

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    1. Thank you so much for reading and commenting! I shudder to think what will happen if I have another kid if this is already happening with my first. Yikes! I think that sneezing is one of the worst things because it can't be avoided and if often happens in public! You are right though..it is kind of funny. I mean, what else can we do but laugh?!

      Thank you so much for commenting and for hosting the link up! Hope you are doing well with your new little one! :)

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  7. Hahahaha!!! Thank you for sharing this!! It is so very very true! Every. Single. Word! haha

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    1. Thank you so much! Glad this isn't only true for me. That really would be embarrassing...yikes! :)

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  8. I cannot stop laughing! This is hysterical! And just to make you feel better, I pee my pants at least once a day! I have to follow you because I cannot miss stories like this....great post!

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    1. Awww...thank you so much. What a sweet comment!

      And, yes, it totally makes me feel better to know that I am not the only one peeing myself on a daily basis. :) I was jogging on Sunday and made the mistake of drinking too much water and coffee beforehand. Needless to say, I had to stop and walk the last 1/4 mile!

      Thanks again! :)

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  9. Oh my gosh SO TRUE!!! I had a similar experience with a trainer - a hot guy at that. He had me jumprope and about 3 jumps in I was trying to figure out how to jump rope with my legs crossed. Still cross my legs with I sneeze. Why didn't anyone tell me about this after having a baby??!

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    1. Oh no! What a nightmare. The only thing that could have made my story worse is it it happened one on one with a hot trainer. Poor you! I am 21 months out from giving birth and still cannot jump rope.

      And I agree...no one told me either and I have no idea why! That is why I talk about it whenever I can. I don't want anyone else to have to be surprised by it!

      Thank you so much for your comment! :)

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  10. Dude. I almost got beat up by a clown once because she was having a potty emergency and I was taking too long in the stall for her tastes. She was drunk and blaming her kids for her urgency. I didn't quite get it at the time, but dang, clown needed to do some kegels.

    I think I'll be telling the extended version on my blog tomorrow. Thanks for the inspiration. (Don't worry - I won't be linking to you because you're not a drunk clown and I don't want anyone to think I'm making that implication.)

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    1. Lol...thanks! :) Glad I could clear up a confusing situation.

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  11. Ha! I was playing in my adult woman's soccer game last night and I swear I couldn't run two feet without peeing. It was annoying. I do crossfit too and haven't had the urge to pee yet during all my jumping, but that may be because of the five times I pee right before I go - just in case. :)

    We have a lot in common: crossfit, I was a daycare director for 8 years, peeing on ourselves. It's a match made in heaven!

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    1. Lol! You are right...we could be twins! Are you still a Crossfitter?

      Hopefully you play soccer with a bunch of Moms so that they will be able to empathize with you. God knows that you can't understand it until you go through it!!

      Thanks so much for reading and commenting! :)

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  12. Oh, yes- laughing, sneezing- I have to be careful.

    My boys like me to jump on the trampoline with them and I have to go to the bathroom right before I do... and then usually a few minutes into jumping!

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    1. Trampoline jumping must be one of the worst activities because two people on my Facebook page also mentioned it. Your comment has made me rule out ever getting one for fear of what will happen. :)

      Thanks so much for your comment! :)

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  13. Hahahaha! Love it! On my last race I had to stop and pee on the side of the trail(thankfully it was in no man's land and I was all alone) not once, but twice. I totally feel your pee...I mean pain! ;)

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    1. Hahaha! You are an awesome woman to be able to stop and pee and keep on running. I had to pee really badly during my jog last Sunday, but it was a public trail, so my only choice was to walk the last mile. Bummer! I have been wanting to run a 5K (I am SUPER new to running), but peeing on myself is one of my biggest fears!

      Thanks for reading and commenting! :)

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  14. Haha, I am glad I hopped over from the PinCentive. This made me feel like I found a blog that I could relate too. I have spinal nerve damage in my back and there are days where I can hardly make it to the bathroom. Two days ago my year old grandson who is potty training had just woke and said he needed to go potty and when I took him to go I had to hold him on my lap and ask him to wait while I went first! I would have been pretty embarressed to have to change my pants instead of changing his. I have to say he held it and I went first and nether him now I made a mistake! I am now going to be a loyal follower of your blog, so Thank you very much for making me feel like a adult not a child potty training again.��www.vermonter34@gmail.com

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    1. Thank you so much for your sweet comment! You are definitely not alone. I surely thought that I was before I started talking about this. It seems like most of us have this issue.

      Thanks again! :)

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  15. Yeah, jumping jacks, jumping rope, and the trampoline are out of my life forever...it doesn't matter if I pee RIGHT before (even if it's a lot) I WILL need to go again.

    I'm pretty extra sure that my pregnancy books didn't tell me I would have this issue after the babies got here.

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    1. The pregnancy books DEFINITELY left out the "peeing on yourself" chapter. I guess if they added it, no one would have kids. ;)

      Thank you so much for reading and commenting! :)

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  16. This totally made me laugh. I had all my kids by C-section so I am one of the lucky bastards but I do have an ugly scar that so many people tell me I should wear like a badge of honor but the truth is, it's ugly. I agree though...talking about this stuff should happen more often. No better feeling than not feeling alone. :) Visiting from #PYHO I think I'll stay a while. :)

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    1. Thank you for your sweet comment! You do avoid the peeing thing by having a C-Section, but I am sure that you have a whole other list of issues that go along with it. I have come to the conclusion that there is just no easy way to expel babies from our bodies. :)

      And don't you hate that badge of honor BS?!?! People say the same about stretch marks. Yes, all of these scars are a sign of an amazing thing that we did, but, let's face it, I would take my old stomach back in a second!

      Thanks again! :)

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  17. I don't want to laugh, but I have to. And as a guy, I won't have this issue -- and I feel for you, really -- but the way you tell it... too funny.

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    1. Thank you so much!! At least you now have an appreciation for what women go through! :)

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  18. It happens and there really is nothing you can do about it. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Absolutely right! It is just one of those things. I am just happy that I can laugh about it now. I was kind of shocked and appalled the first time! :)

      Thanks so much for commenting!

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  19. OMG, I have four, and let me tell you, I have peed on myself on multiple occasions. I also have to be prepared to pee at a moment's notice, pretty much every time I stand up. Also, here's a good one. I was taking some prescription for the terrible heartburn I had during my fourth pregnancy. (I don't mean indigestion. I mean my esophagus was eating its way out of my chest.) Well, apparently a side effect of this medicine is that it leaves NO margin for error in the #2 department. You thing peeing yourself a little in the gym is bad? Try waddling your pregnant butt into a public bathroom with a grocery bag and travel pack of baby wipes because you pooped your pants on the way home from the grocery store.

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    1. Oh no!! Lol! What a horrible thing to happen! You must have just wanted to crawl up in a ball and cry. Seriously, the things that we Moms go through are AMAZING. We should all get some sort of medal. At the least.

      I am totally afraid of having more kids because if this happened to my bladder after only one, I have no hope if I have more kids. It will be diapers for the baby and me!

      Thank you so much for commenting! :)

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  20. OMG this is now my favorite post ever! Seriously, I love you for this. My husband makes fun of me when I am sick I lay down a towel on my chair. Because if I am coughing, I am peeing myself :\ lol. I tried panty liners and they don't do anything. I was seriously changing my underwear so much I was like what is the point!?

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    1. Awww...thank you so much for the sweet comment! I am so glad you enjoyed this!

      At first, my husband was like, "what the hell?!" but now he kind of thinks it is funny. While I can laugh about it (because what else can you really do?!), I still kind of hate it. It is certainly an inconvenience (to say the least)!

      Thanks again!
      Becky :)

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  21. OMG this is too funny. At first I thought it was because I was getting old and then I realize hello I've had 5 kids. I guess I should feel lucky I don't need to wear diapers yet. lol I have made a mental note of avoiding all types of jumping exercise after reading this post. lol

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    1. Haha...agree! Not being in diapers is a moral victory for us all. :) I also now avoid jumping activities. That first workout was a real lesson for me!

      Thank you so much for reading and commenting!

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  22. Hmmmm I had a section but after Lugging 10lb of baby about my pelvic floor is still shot! The physio had lots of ways to help you remember to do you exercises.... A bug one when you open the fridge, 10 when you indicate in the car.... But honestly I still feel like a twallop doing them!

    Hopping over from the SSS, thanks for starting my day with a little incontinent chuckle!

    Xx

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    1. Oh man...I never even thought about the damage that is done to your bladder during pregnancy. I just thought about the vaginal delivery party. No wonder all of us have so many peeing issues! :)

      Those are good tips for remembering the kegals, but I agree with your take on them! Plus, I am lucky if I remember to eat, let alone do vaginal exercise.

      THanks for much for stopping by and commenting! :)

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  23. This is a fantastic post. I'm glad I found you through SSS Hop. My little man is almost 2 and I hate the words diet and exercise, but I'm trying to exercise better these days. I can't wait to read more. I'm also now following you via GFC and Bloglovin. Hope you will visit me too.

    Angel

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    1. Thanks so much, Angel! I am going to go check our your blog now. Other than the peeing, the thing I hate about diet and exercise is that I will probably have more kids in the future, so what is the point?!

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  24. LOL I wish I couldn't relate, but after the fourth one I totally can, hahahaha, it's so ridiculous. :)

    Thanks for lining to Super Sunday Sync. :)

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    1. We ALL wish that we couldn't relate. :) And who of us thought that we would relate to it so young?!? Haha.

      Thanks so much for your comment! :)

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  25. Oh man. It's so true. I'm always laughing when I read your posts.

    Thank you for linking up to Raising Imperfection!
    Make sure to check back on Friday to see if you were featured.
    Leslie
    www.violetimperfection.com

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    1. Hey Leslie,

      Thank you so much for your sweet comment! Don't you wish that what I wrote wasn't true though?! :)

      I will definitely stop by on Friday. In addition to your link parties, I enjoy seeing what you have to say!

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  26. Hysterical but I love the honesty! I had a C because I had twins but then had to rent a hospital grade breast pump when I was breast feeding them - which definitely was not portable!

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    1. Thank you so much for the comment! Those hospital grade pumps are huge. Good for you for nursing twins though..amazing!

      Becky :)

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  27. Aww the amazing joys of the body after having a baby! You can still do a thousand and one kegels and still end up peeing yourself! Dammit!

    Thank you for linking to Raising Imperfection.
    Please come back Friday to see if you were featured. :)

    ¤´¨)
    ¸.•*´
    (¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo
    Raising-Reagan.com

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    1. Yes, joys. Haha. :) Sadly, you are right, we can do whatever we want, but the nice young bladder is never coming back!

      Thanks again for hosting the linkup.

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  28. I am literally Laughing Out LOUD! Not only because this is written with an incredible sense of humor and honesty but because I have been here and done this! After 4 Kiddies I know that peeing myself can be a very real concern...Luckily it does where off a bit. I have recovered and no longer worry as much as I had to right after my Kiddies were born...

    Thanks so much for sharing this with us over at the MommyMonday Blog Hop...

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    1. Hey there! Thank you so much for the sweet comment! I really appreciate it. You are right that it doesn't get better. I just have to make sure that I pee before running or jumping. It seriously is one of those things that no one tells you though, so it is shocking when it happens right after you have kids!

      Becky :)

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  29. You are so hilarious! Your posts always make me chuckle. I've heard of this happening to women too. My bladder was crazy during pregnancy so I totally get it. Thanks for linking up to Mommy Monday again.

    xoxo,
    Brittnei

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    1. Hey Brittnei,

      Thanks so much for your comment...you are so sweet! :) I also had a crazy pregnancy bladder. I felt like I was up all night going to the bathroom! We mothers sure are amazing.

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  30. I know you are obviously not a fan of kegels... but they DO work. And no, after you've been doing them a while they don't require a look of concentration. Not only do they keep you continent (I've had 7 kids, number 8 due in January) but they make after baby sex much better. Except in the latest stages of pregnancy when I have someone doing jumping exercises on my bladder, I've never peed myself. It's *not* inevitable. But yeah, you really have to make doing those kegels a priority to accomplish that.

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    1. Thanks for the advice! It is amazing that you have a great bladder after 7 kids. I seriously admire you for remembering to do your kegals. I need to find a good way to remind myself to keep up with them!

      Thanks for commenting and congrats on your pregnancy!
      Becky :)

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  31. I love this blog post so much that I wish I could offer it a glass of wine. Obviously, I am right there with you, mama! I have delivered a set of twins and a singleton vaginally...so, yeah. I workout regularly and after about a year of solid, consistent workout routines, I can say the incontinence has gotten better, but I don't think it will ever be gone entirely. I ALWAYS go to the restroom right before I enter a Zumba class, even if I just went 15 minutes ago.
    I'm so glad I came over from the Bloody Marys blog hop. You've definitely got a new follower. ;)

    ~Holly
    Desert Momma

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    1. You are so sweet! Your comments made my day..than you so much! :)

      I can only imagine what would happen to me if I birthed twins. You are a brave woman! I also ALWAYS go to the bathroom right before I workout. If I have had too much water or coffee before I jog, I end up having to walk.

      Thanks again for reading, commenting, and following! :)

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  32. I have had three babies close together and I don't experience this luckily. After having my last two I did experience it for a few weeks but after using the weights that phase was older. Since I did semi experience I do know how embarrassing it was. I stayed at home!

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    1. I don't blame you! Right after you have the baby, it is the worst! It is only a concern for me now if I am doing some kind of jumping around. It still sucks though! You are certainly lucky that yours didn't stick around.

      Thanks so much for reading and commenting! :)

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  33. so many people can relate. I had this issue after having my kids. It doesn't happen to often now. But I am always worried it will.

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    1. Me too! It only happens to me if I am jumping around, but I still worry all of the time. I pee at least twice before I leave my house to go jogging.

      Thanks so much for reading and commenting! :)

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Thanks so much for stopping by! I would love to hear from you, so please take a minute to leave me any comments, suggestions, funny stories, or advice about this journey called Mommyhood.

Becky :)